Coffee Shop Stereotypes

The time is 8.54am on a Sunday Morning. I am currently sat in the local coffee shop, which for once is relatively empty. It’s times like these that I’ve always found it interesting to just sit and watch the people who come in for their daily caffeine fix. Trying to guess their stories, and secretly judging them on their drink choices.

You get the usual business men types, newspaper slung under one arm, whilst furiously typing out an email on their phone. No matter what time of day, they always seem to be in a rush, impatiently tapping their feet waiting for their ‘Black coffee with an extra shot of espresso’.

Then you get the early morning cyclists, plastered from head to toe in fluorescent lycra. These guys stride in like they own the place. Either that or the excessive chafing means that they can no longer walk properly without encountering severe levels of pain. More often than not, they just come in for a cheeky toilet break, using Mission Impossible style tactics to sneak past the barista, but inevitably leave with an ‘English breakfast tea’ after getting strange looks from the staff and being too awkward to just walk out again without buying something.

No matter the time of day, there will always be at least 3 middle-aged men on MacBooks. Slowly sipping on a ‘Flavoured latte’ while scrolling through the days news, or worse, writing a chapter for their new novel about ‘A guy who travels the world in search of the perfect coffee’ *(An actual conversation I overheard one day)*. These guys are serious wall-plug hoarders, using every available socket in the shop to charge their numerous apple devices, rendering the average joe out of luck with 8% battery left to last them the day.

Finally you get the book lovers, curled up on one of the sofas with their faces hidden behind the pages. Their weapon of choice; A ‘Green tea’, left to brew on the table as they devour word after word. They stay in the shop for hours at a time, without making a single noise, living in their own little world. It’s normally not until the shop closes, that they make their way out into the cobbled streets in search of the next place to waste the day away with their favourite story.

Obviously I’m being quite stereotypical here, but nevertheless if you spend long enough in your local coffee shop, you too will start to notice the certain types of people that come in for their favourite hot beverage. If you can think of any others that I have not mentioned, please feel free to share in the comments section!

The Facts Of Freshers Week

A couple of weeks ago, I began the first of three alcohol-fuelled, sleep-deprived years at university. I had no idea what to expect during this time, however after now surviving ‘Freshers Week’ and the inevitable ‘Freshers Flu’ which comes with it, I’ve come up with a few words of wisdom to help all those looking to come to uni.

1) One thing that I do know for certain, is that pizza will become your new late-night best friend. By the end of the week, you will be fluent in the language of drunk takeaway ordering, and will know exactly where to go for a horrendously greasy, yet ridiculously cheap £2.50 12” Margherita at 3 in the morning. These meals will form the basis of your diet and can be a life saver after a sloppy night out on the town.

2) Afternoons during freshers week are made for catching up on sleep. Aside from the occasional introductory lecture, there isn’t really much going on during the day, so seize every opportunity to catch a few winks before another night of drinking and regret.

3) Make sure you take full advantage of every possible freebie during this week, no matter if its half price pizza vouchers or a mug plastered in advertising. Chances are you might need it at some point, and money can be tight for students. Grab every free t-shirt you can, as this will mean prolonging the hassle of a trip to the laundrette for at least a couple more days, and can provide vital warmth on a cold night.

4) Meeting new people and making friends is probably one of the biggest worries for most students during the first week, however, everyone is in the same boat and are always eager to start a conversation or say hi.

Unfortunately, the majority of conversations on the first few days of freshers go a little something like this;

1; ”What’s your name?”

2; ”Where are you from?”

3; ”What course are you studying?”

4; ”So what kind of music are you into?”

It’s a conversation so un-original, it actually hurts a little every time you have to answer, but it’s just something you have to grin and bare before real conversation can begin.

(These so-called ‘introductions’ can get even worse on a night out, when you find yourself having the same questions asked by the same person every 30 minutes, thanks to the invention of memory-erasing 50 pence Sambuca shots.)

5) Do not underestimate the usefulness of your parents. Whether you urgently need some money transferred into your account, need some tips on washing clothes and cooking, or simply just to ring you in the morning to make sure you don’t miss that 9am lecture, parents can do it all if you beg hard enough.

I hope some of these points will give you a little insight into life at university, and maybe provide some tips on how to get the most out of freshers (Probably not), but one thing that is for certain is that freshers week is an experience you will never forget.